From time to time we all get asked "How are you?", usually this is preceded by "Hello." Generally it is a polite way of acknowledging some total stranger and being courteous due to our close proximity during a time of passing one another.
A dear friend of mine, in her innate wisdom of 70+ years has taught me to never ask this question of anyone. When I recently made the mistake of asking her husband this very question, she reminded me that she had taught me better. So, after we laughed for several minutes, I asked her to remind me again for the reasons why we should never ask others how they are doing. She simply said "Because they will tell you."
Now, I know that sounds a little rude based on the people skills our parents, teachers, friends, and family have tried over the years to instill in each of us. Lets just say though that we truly do quit asking that question of others when our paths cross, what is the worst that can happen?
Well, we will have to get creative to find out about what is going on in their life and it will probably give us an answer we would rather hear. When we ask others "How Are You?" do we really want to know all the details, or are we looking for a quick comment so that we can really tell them how we are doing? As human nature would have it we all like to talk about ourselves more than about others, hence the fact that usually when someone is speaking to us we are thinking about what we are going to say when they finish, again, human nature at work.
So, over the past week I have practiced not asking others "How are You?", and simply saying "Hello, it's good to see you today", or as us Southerners like to say "Well, Hey there, don't you look nice today!" Amazing at what this does to those we come in contact with.
Over the past several days I have found that those regular places I shop the employees have become nicer, more in tune with helping me find what I am looking for and truly seem to think of more of the positive aspects of their day, than the fact that they are sick, ill, angry with the world around them or just plain tired.
They have told me great stories of their kids, grandkids, family members visiting, friends they haven't seen in years, and best of all not one of them has complained to me and better yet they haven't been forced by me to remind themselves of just how bad their morning or afternoon, has been, giving them if nothing else a few extra minutes to focus on the positive things around them making their morning and afternoon, seem a little bit brighter just for the asking.
So, next time you are out and about practice a new way of being cordial by simply saying something like "Hi, it's nice to see you." or "Hi, you look really nice today."
If you don't want to feel like you are being pretentious then be cautious. However, before you open your mouth remember it's best to find something nice to say to them about their outfit, their hair, or even their smile. It is tempting to be hard core and honest with others and to find yourself asking them how they are, the choice is yours. You can choose to put a smile on their face and yours or take valuable time out of your day and theirs leaving both of you feeling just a little bit less fulfilled. Life is sweeter when we are able to make those around us smile.
A small compliment, a smile and giving away a quick few moments to bring some joy to those around you goes a long way in life.
Make the world a better place for you and others in it by finding something positive to say when speaking to others.
Oh, and by the way "How are you?"
Copyright 2013
Connie A. E. K. Beamer